You Were Always There

                            A Letter To My Aunt Alice

                             'You Were Always There'

Dear Nunie,

I don't know why you had to leave us that night. "Oh, the angels have called her home," I've heard them say.  

I sat crying, stunned at the news.  I had known that something happened; it was something big, but I wasn't sure what, or who. 

 I guess I thought you would always be here; I never questioned it.  You were there when I was born.  Attended all of my birthday parties and Christmases.  You were always there.  

I remember when I was ten years old and desperately wanted a cassette of the soundtrack to the movie, 'Grease.' It was my favorite, and I was obsessed.  "You'll have to wait until you have your allowance," my mom gently told me.  I was a spendthrift, and maybe I did need to wait for it.  You overheard this whole conversation, and I saw you taking it in with those piercing blue eyes of yours.  I could see that you really understood how important it was to my little soul, how much I needed this thing.  You then asked my mom if you could loan me the money to get it now.  She said you could, and I was ecstatic.  I still learned the lesson I had to learn, but I didn't have to suffer the long wait for my coveted treasure.  This is something that aunts are good at- making life a happier place for their kids, their nieces and nephews.  

I'll never forget coming to your house for Halloween, and the parties you would have for us there. We looked so forward to these nights, and I cannot even begin to tell you how much.  There was always a dazzling array of snacks and things that you had made just for us.  Decorations were everywhere, music was playing.  It felt like a child's idea of perfection.  I think the only time I ever actually bobbed for apples was at your house. I'll always hold these memories dear.

Then, there were the Christmas parties.  There was always something amazing, exciting and different that you had created!  Jello 1-2-3? Beautiful white Christmas cake with red and green ribbons running through it?  How did you ever think of these things, and how did know how much we would love them?  There was more than a little magic at play there, as I see it.  

You're such a part of the tapestry of my life.  My history.  The memory of your face is woven like a beautiful golden thread throughout all the important milestones and events, occasions. 

You were always there, and I remember.  

It's so hard to say goodbye and I'm still not ready to let you go. So let's just say, "see you later, alligator," instead (you WERE after all, the one that taught me to say this when I was 3). 

 I understand now that you'll always be near me.  You'll always be there.

All My Love,

Kristin

Bullied By Jesus

With all the talk about, and awareness of bullying these days, I thought I would write of my own experience with it.
I grew up in a suburb of San Diego, which was very near the Mexican border area.   Most of my little classmates were Hispanic, and the majority belonged to the Catholic church.
This was a big element in the lives of my schoolmates- I heard about their confirmations, knew that they ate fish instead of any other meat on Fridays, went to catechism classes, prayed their rosaries and said their "Hail Marys." I also heard about how I, since I hadn't been baptized, was going straight to hell.  I wasn't sure exactly what or where  Hell was, but I knew by the somber expressions and tsk tsk tsks that it wasn't good.  This became an issue that caused me worry, embarrassment and some apprehension.  I really did feel left out, different and of course, concerned that my sister and I were headed to this place called  Hell to meet with a man named "The Devil" or "Diablo."
Another issue that seemed to incite some of my peer's rage and make them want to pick on me, was the fact that I was a little chubby.  This was back when most kids seemed  to be on the skinny side, and I was mostly not. I got teased a lot for that as well.  Add to this my very distinct yet not cool (I always wore what I liked, not what the fashion mags told me to) style of dress, and the fact that i was a bit hairy, and things got real.  
Back to elementary school, though.  There was a particular boy, ironically named "Jesus," that really enjoyed picking on me.  One particular incident has stuck with me all these years. My sister and I had gotten new shiny jackets from our dad.  Shanon's was pink, and mine was royal blue.  I remember  how shimmery it was, and how much I loved it.  It was, after all a gift from my dad. I was in the cafeteria serving line, and Jesus was behind me. In the most nasty voice his fourth grade self could muster, he said to me, "did your Daddy buy that shiny jacket for you?" Jesus went on to mock and embarrass me.  I wasn't sure what to say, or how to handle the situation.  There were other incidences, and I remember feeling like I just had to remain on my toes.  I never knew when the next insult,slur or mean comment might come about.  

I never told my parents about any of this.  I suppose I was a little embarrassed, or maybe worried that they would march down to my school to try to defend me, and that it might even aggravate the problem.

So, I guess my point in writing this post is- I'm really happy and thankful to see a new awareness, a new sensitivity emerging amongst people; an intolerance of hatred and unkindness.  I also know we have a ways to go, and more work to do. 

Remember,  It is our uniqueness that makes the world go 'round. What an exciting new time it is.  Little Kristin, all those years ago, would be pleased.  

We are, after all, in this together.  

Better Than Ants In Your Pants...

Today I was walking downtown with a friend, who is not very tall, so maybe he notices things on the ground more than most. His naturopath has him on a grain-free diet, so he gets intense cravings for carbs. Well, you can imagine then, how the half-eaten pretzel we passed caught his eye. Before I could stop him, he had it in his mouth, and was chewing maniacally. Wild eyed,he could not be stopped. Suddenly, mid frenzy, my friend dropped his lucky find. I figured that maybe someone had loaded that bad Larry with Tapatio or Sriracha and he just couldn't handle the heat. I didn't mention the pretzel incident I'd just witnessed, out of respect for his feelings. I figured he was probably embarrassed enough as it was. When we reached my car, my friend started having a meltdown in the passenger seat. Turns out, that tasty pretzel was loaded with ants (I ran back and examined the evidence while

he wasn't looking)... teeming with ants. Did I mention there were a LOT of ants on that thing? Anyway, I spent a fair amount of time today, picking live ants out of my friend "P's" unruly beard. He was thankful, humbled and relieved.I can't say he'll never try something like this again, but I bet he'll have a closer look before he leaps next time!

Saturday In The Park

Having a nice time today, hanging with this little fella.

One Year Ago Today!

I decided to check in on my blog, and I just realized that the last post I wrote was exactly one year ago today! I think I should at least check in once a year, so here I am. It is my goal to post some foodie photos and a recipe or two, as soon as I get them organized a little better. Until then, life is good, I am happy, and I'm up to exciting new things...

Chicken Noodle Soup- Fatto A Mano

Here's a photo of the lovely chicken noodle soup I made recently. Of course, everything was organic, and I made the noodles from scratch...it was divine!!

Bacon-Wrapped Scallops

Tonight I made one of my favorite things, ever for dinner...bacon-wrapped sea scallops! The bacon I used is made by Hempler's, a local company that has been around since the 30's. Their meats are nitrate and nitrite free, contain no hormones, and no antibiotics. Aside from all that, this bacon is delicious! I like to offset bacon's general saltiness with a little drizzle of agave nectar.

The stuffing on the side is my traditional Thanksgiving day recipe. It has organic bread chunks, organic vegetarian stock, (some of my friends are veg, and I use this so that everyone can enjoy my stuffing. too bad I haven't found any good gluten-free bread...that would be next) onions, mushrooms, garlic and a small amount of diced tart apple. I use liberal amounts of butter in this one, and a dash of olive oil.

The meal is rounded out with an organic baby greens salad. I usually make my own dressings, but when I don't I am addicted to Drew's Greek Olive dressing; I could seriously drink that stuff...tangy, creamy, delicious.

Banana Bread

I just made some banana bread yesterday, and it turned out great. I've been using this recipe for about 7 years now. I originally found it somewhere, but I have made so many changes and adjustments to it,I think I can claim it as my own! It has lots of bananas in it, so it always turns out very moist. Noticeably absent are walnuts. I know I am odd, but I do not like nuts of any kind in my baked goods; in salads and for snacking, I love them!
With that, here is my recipe:

Kristin's Banana Bread

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 tablespoon real mayonnaise
1 1/2 cups brown sugar, lightly packed
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup applesauce
2 1/3 cups (approx 5 bananas) mashed, over-ripe bananas

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees c). Lightly grease a 9X5 inch loaf pan.

2. In a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Stir in eggs,mashed bananas, applesauce and mayonnaise. Scrape sides of bowl, and mix thoroughly. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture. Mix gently, just enough to combine ingredients and moisten flour. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.

3. Bake in preheated oven for 60 minutes, and check at that time. Toothpick inserted into center should come out clean. This mix is very moist and may need a bit more time, depending on your oven. If so, lower oven temp. to 320 F, and continue to bake for approx 10 more minutes.

Here She Comes!!!

I am so excited...Shanon will be here tomorrow night. Today is Shanon's last day at work before vacation, but I still have to work tomorrow. She is flying in to Bellingham, arriving around 9:30. We have big plans, too. Let's see...nail appointments, coffee, Vancouver on the train, more coffee, sightseeing, socializing...this is going to be so much fun!
I am busy now, cleaning, organizing, tidying, etc. I want everything to be just perfect when she gets here. I am also trying to come up with some wonderful dessert to have waiting when Shan gets here. I have a couple of ideas, but they will be posts unto themselves!!!

New Bathroom

I just painted our bathroom, "Riviera Blue."  I am so happy with how it turned out.  It is just the perfect shade of blue, like a gumball.  The ceiling is the same shade, with some clouds added on.  I took advantage of the shape of our vent fan, and painted it to look like the sun!  This was a bit of a pain, since we have a really high ceiling, and some hard to reach areas, but I am pleased with the results.  It is surprising what you can accomplish with a paintbrush taped to a pole...

Farewell, Miss Duchess

A year ago tomorrow, March 29th, it was hard to believe that I would ever breathe again, smile again...It was a year ago that we lost our precious Duchess. 

Eric and I walked out of the emergency animal hospital, stunned, blinking in the early morning light.  Who could have imagined a few hours earlier that we would leave that place without our girl? The doors to the Jeep remained flung open, just as we had left them.  We were frantic to get Duchess into the hospital, hopeful that she would be OK.  After some tests and time, it was determined that no, Duchess was not going to be OK.  The doctor on duty and his assistant were very kind, and Duchess seemed fairly comfortable with them, which in turn comforted us, too. 

Duchess spent her last few hours on this earth surrounded by Eric and me, Dr. Johnson and Kimberly.  When the time came, and her heart beat its final beat, she was wrapped in my arms, Eric's hand was stroking her forehead, and she breathed a little sigh.  She had a tiny, peaceful smile on her face, and I could tell that she was not in any pain or even discomfort....Looking back, I am proud that I was able to put aside my own fear and anxiety to be with this magnificent creature, to provide her with the comfort and security of my mere presence. Though this was the hardest experience I have ever gone through in my life, I wouldn't trade having been there with my Duchess as she slipped the surly bonds of this earth, and reached up to touch the face of God. 

Duchess, wherever you are, we miss you and will love you always...you are forever in our hearts. 

  

Extra Day Off!

My, it has been a while...here I am. No, I did not fall off the face of this Earth!

Lots of things have happened since I last published an entry. Let's see...We did go on that Alaskan cruise, and boy was it fun. I think this was my favorite cruise, so far. Eric's younger daughter, Irene had a baby girl in December, on the 15th. Her name is Jade, and she is beautiful and healthy.

Eric's older daughter, Dawn joined the Army in May, and is currently stationed at Ft. Riley, KS. Dawn is being deployed to Iraq tomorrow morning. Hopefully we will be able to keep in contact with her while she is there. We all have joined Facebook, now, and think that will help.

Oh, one more big thing...Eric and I finally tied the knot on November 14th of 2008! It wasn't a big event, but it was so much fun, and perfect for us. We were in Las Vegas, celebrating Eric's dad's 80th birthday, and we got married while there in our city of lights. My best friend in the world, Ida was there to be our witness, and no one else. What a fun night it was! We really wanted something like this instead of some huge, fancy affair with hundreds of people...how nerve wracking, not to mention expensive. We plan to take a proper honeymoon to Europe as soon as our schedules will allow.

Also, my co-op opened a second store on January 15th of this year, and I work there on Mondays and Tuesdays. It is a very nice store, modern and gorgeous. Hopefully, we will continue to get busier and busier.

Today is an extra day off for me, and I intend to enjoy it to the max. I will head to Starbucks, and watch part of an "Ace of Cakes" marathon that starts at 11 (I do know how to live it up, don't I?). Who knows what else the day may bring, but I am happy to have this little extra time off.

Happy Day!

Today was a very happy, good day. Work went really well, as I was working with some of my favorite people, and everyone (including me) was in a pretty good mood. I swung by my favorite coffee haunt after work for an iced Americano, and then headed home. Eric's daughter called to say that all is well with her pregnancy, and that the baby's heartbeat was strong...good news!!!
Eric and I are getting ready to go on our Alaskan cruise with his family at the end of this week...we are so excited! Even if the weather is not great, we will have so much fun just being with everyone, sightseeing, relaxing, and shopping. It is cool to be on a big cruiseliner, no matter where it is headed. Everyone keeps telling me how beautiful Alaska is, so I am happy to finally get to see for myself!

Peppermint Soap, Raindrops and Evergreen Trees

Earlier this evening, I took time out to go take a relaxing, hot, peppermint- scented bath. The bathroom window was open (no one can see in, it is too high!), so I sat there in my nice hot water, and watched it rain. It was beautiful to see these huge drops of rain, against the backdrop of a very old, tall Evergreen tree...it almost seemed mystical. During this time, my noisy neighbors down the street broke into choruses of drumming and singing. Normally, that sort of thing might annoy me when I am trying to relax, meditate even. Today, however, I found it entertaining, and almost nice to hear their happy sounds...I really do appreciate living in the Pacific Northwest most of the time, this is one of those times.

Cherry Cobbler

This weekend, I tidied up our back room, and it turned out really nice. We threw out some things, and put others in the basement. This morning, I went to Home depot to pick out some paint for our now uncluttered room. I have had a sort of "spaghetti sauce red" in mind for some time now, but I have been unable to find that exact shade I've been imagining. I did, however, find something close, and it is called, "cherry cobbler." It is a deep red, and I think it will look nice with the wide white baseboards, brown carpet and chair, and light wood paneling. I had to keep those colors in mind, when thinking of my paint, also. I really wanted to do some sort of chocolate shade, but that would have made the room too brown, I think. Anyway, I will post a picture when it gets done. I had to buy this pink primer to put down first, so that the dark color will take. Otherwise, you end up applying many, many coats to achieve your ultimate goal. I just might wait until next weekend to do this, now that I think of all that work...

Happy Mother's Day!

It is almost mother's day, so I am thinking of the best mom in the world...no other than my own! My mom had me when she was 21 years old, and thinking of that now, it sounds like she was still a baby herself! I think back to when I was 21 years old, and I could hardly handle a bank account and a job, much less have a baby. But my mom, even though she was young, was the best mother that anyone could have hoped for, and she still is!

My sister and I were awakened every morning to a chorus of "rise and shine girlies!" When we did rise and eventually shine, our breakfast was always waiting in the dining room...sometimes mom would make pancakes or waffles, sometimes it was cereal and toast. There was a little pile of our vitamins, and some juice or milk to drink.

Christmas and all holidays for that matter, were magical in our house. We were very traditional, and always had the most beautiful, brightly decorated tree, stockings that were filled to the brim with treasures, and lots of fabulous toys when we awoke on Christmas day. Another favorite tradition was watching all of our animated specials that were on every year...thanks to Mom, we never missed them! Shanon and I would bundle up on the sofa, covered up with a warm blanket in our jammies. Mom would make us hot chocolate with marshmallows, and it was so much fun!

Another good memory I have is of always thinking that my mom was very cool. I loved it when she came to school for a conference or just to visit...I was always very proud of her and so happy to see her.

I always felt so safe and cared for, like I didn't have a care in the world. My mom made my childhood so very happy and wonderful. I am 39 years old now, and she is still just as perfect as ever...I thank the heavens every day for my lovely mom.

Pie And Coffee!

Today, Eric and I went out for pie and coffee. We went to our favorite breakfast place, knowing that they make pie as well. I had mine a la mode, and Eric had his with whipped cream. The pie was fabulous, the coffee was great, but the company was the very best thing. I have decided to make more time for pie and coffee time in my life!